In recent weeks I’ve gotten a number of emails from other writers—often people I don’t know—looking for an accountability buddy. I get it. One of the hardest parts of freelancing is staying motivated.
Sure, some people are naturally driven; they aren’t tempted to check facebook one-more-time, or browse Pinterest for just-a-few-more-minutes…. But I think for most of us, writing the to-do list is the easy part. It’s getting it done that’s difficult.
And using the buddy system often comes highly recommended — most of the freelancing classes suggest it as do many of the books out there on how to become a freelancer. Except those sources don’t tell you that this system has some serious flaws.
The buddy system is for grade school.
Pairing up kindergartners may help keep them from wandering off during a field trip, but simply having someone else along for the ride probably won’t be enough to make you push yourself. And if you want your business to thrive, that’s kind of important.
The idea of two freelancers helping each other stay accountable is smart. But it will only work if the goals you’re being accountable for are good ones. And if the person you’re partnering up with is confident enough to call bullshit on you when they’re not. And if that person is willing to push you to set harder goals and then get ‘er done.
Without that, the system fails. And you’re not going to find someone who will do all that by randomly emailing another freelancer.
I’d know. I’ve been there. I’ve tried partnering up.
But when I didn’t hit a goal, my buddy tried to make me feel better about it instead of pushing me. Instead of pushing herself, she wrote goals that seemed to get progressively easier each week—ensuring she’d get ‘em done. I began to do the same. Easier goals were easier to hit—so we both felt better about ourselves, talking each week about all the things that we’d accomplished.
All the while, our freelance businesses suffered.
That’s not to say the buddy system can’t work — I think if you know someone well enough that they’re willing to call bullshit when you half-ass something AND you’re willing to do the same for them, it could work. But more often than not I think the system creates a false sense of accomplishment.
It lets you know you’re not alone as you stand there, watching a zookeeper feed the lions; but it doesn’t push you. It doesn’t really keep you accountable.
As the owner of my business, only I am really invested enough in my business to care if it succeeds or fails; sure, friends can help me along the way. But ultimately, it’s on me. Only I can determine if I succeed or fail.
And, in some ways, that’s the worst part of freelancing; but it’s also the best part.
Since things with my accountability buddy went south, I’ve tried a handful of different techniques. Ultimately, though, it comes down to accepting that some days are useless—some days being productive is just too much to ask. So on those days I remind myself that the freedom of being self employed is being able to do what I want from day to day. Even if what I want is to waste the day on Facebook.
I too have recently acquired a writing buddy. She contacted me via email, and it seemed pretty random. So far (about a month in) I feel good about it, but not so much for the accountability factor, though that is there. It’s more because my buddy writes mostly for trade publications, while I mostly write for small businesses, so we are each getting something of an education about a different type of freelancing. Also, she is looking into publishing a book, so we are trading what information we have about that topic, which is fun and hopefully useful.
Your point, though, is valid. The only person that can make a freelancing writing business work or not work is the freelancer. And, I could see how, with time, and an increasing comfort level, weekly writing buddy chats could turn into not very productive yet still lots of fun conversations.
dava recently posted..How To Keep Working When Tragedy Touches You
Hi Dava,
I’m glad it’s going well for you thus far. Freelancing can be a lonely profession so trading information with a fellow freelancer is an awesome way to fend that off — I have a number of freelancers who I chat with on a regular basis (most notable, Princess — which is how I wound up writing here) who I can compare notes with and learn from. I think that’s a little different than an accountabilabuddy though. What your describing would definitely be a mutually beneficial partnership, whereas my accountabilabuddy experience was significantly…. less so.
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
The buddy system can work, but it will depend entirely on the person that you are trying to help. If they are serious people who are willing to let go some habits like spending a lot of time on social media then there is a high probability that the buddy system will be successful.
Heidi Marley recently posted..kimkardashiantapes.org
Heidi, I can definitely see your point. The personality of your “buddy” matters a lot when it comes to how successful the partnership will be. Unfortunately for me in this case it didn’t work out. Have you ever had a successful “buddy” system?
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
Melissa, I’ve never tried an accountability buddy but I do have a long-term writing partnership for large projects neither of us could tackle alone. We knew each other for several years before we started together and I had actually been a client of hers, so we knew each other’s styles very well. Anyway, I felt better reading about your unproductive days since I have those, too. And I’ve been at this a very long time. I’m not sure what the answer is other than acceptance!
Claire Wagner recently posted..[two amazing letters]
Claire, I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who has those kinds of days….
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
Great post, Melissa. You list the reasons I’ve always been reluctant to do the “freelance buddy/accountability” thing. It’s a Catch-22: I’d have to know the person really well to be a hard-ass, but if I knew them really well, I probably wouldn’t be their freelance buddy/accountability person. C’est la vie!
Mahesh Raj Mohan recently posted..Reaching Your Audience
Exactly! I do think it’s sort of a catch-22 Mahesh, that’s a great way of putting it…
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
I agree with Heidi in that it’s all about who you choose for a buddy. This post comes at a really ironic time because I’m currently in the market for an accountability buddy myself. I think that the success of the partnership will be based on whether the other person has the same mindset as I do and can be reliable. If our personalities dovetailed, that would be nice, too.
Princess Jones recently posted..Moxy’s Brain Candy Podcast
I think finding someone with the same mindset, who you’re a “fit” with is key. I wasn’t trying to slam all accountabilabuddies here … just lay out why I thought the system failed for me. Good luck finding someone … although I’m sure you’ll do well even without someone else there to keep you accountable. You’re good at stuff like that.
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
Call me out of the loop, but I don’t understand this concept. Is the accountabillibuddy (accountahillbillybuddy) for optional goals, passive income projects or for client work? Because deadlines and bills are the ultimate accountabillabuddy for freelancers with short attention spans.
Hey Yo,
The idea is that we often have things we want to accomplish in our business that don’t have deadlines, such as “re-do my website” or things that *shouldn’t* be optional, but that often fall by the wayside. Or, for another example, to focus on writing more queries and pitching more potential clients.
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
Huh, interesting. I’ve heard of this for fiction, but not for freelancing. I guess I must be a ridiculous self-task-master because I can’t imagine anyone being more demanding of me than…me.
I can see where you’d be disappointed. It’s like agreeing to be a beta reader and not challenging anything the author writes or being honest about the things that bugged you. If you say you’re going to hold someone accountable, you need to do it. Even if it means kidnapping their pets. Not that I’ve ever done that… ;-P
Yolander Prinzel recently posted..Out of the Office April 21st through April 29th
I agree completely! If someone kidnapped my cat at least I’d get my stuff done….
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine
Thanks for posting this Melissa. I always read about the plus side of accountability buddies, so I appreciate your perspective on the “cons” of teaming up with one.
Sometimes, when I have those non-productive days, it seems like a fabulous idea to motivate me through the buddy system.
But, when I’m knocking out my expectations list, the buddy idea loses its luster.
I feel like all anyone talks about are the benefits; the negatives are often overlooked.
Melissa recently posted..Giving the Cat Aisle a Boost, Pet Business Magazine