Reading the title of this post may make you think I’m a lunatic with no life. You’re wrong. I most definitely have a life. It’s just that I’m a writer.
If you get a group of writers in any room, dollars to donuts the conversation will turn to writing utensils at any moment. It’s in our blood. Chefs have their knives. Hunters have their guns. Writers have their pens. That’s not to say that the quickest way to a writer’s heart with a handful of pens. However, any writer you know has a pen preference. Just go ahead and ask a writer about their favorite pens. I’ll wait here.
So recently I’ve been on the lookout for a new favorite pen. I’ve been using a brand of ink ones that can get pretty messy if the top comes off in my bag. Also, I’d been using those for at least 10 years. I wanted to check other options.
Then I saw this commercial:
First thoughts? Cute but yeah right.
Then I bought them on a whim one day.
New thoughts? OMG THIS IS THE BEST PEN EVER!! WHY AND HOW HAVE I BEEN LIVING WITHOUT THIS FOR SO LONG?!
Me and My New Pen
I couldn’t stop telling people about it. Suddenly, I wanted to write everything in my trusty notebook instead of using my laptop or my phone or my tablet. For a period of time, I would pull one of these pens out of my purse to start conversations with anyone who would let me.
Within weeks I had all of my friends buying them–That’s how good of a salesperson I can be when I really want to be. I will call you up at 9pm at night to ask you if you’re getting your pen needs met properly and if you would like to hear about a nifty little pen that will solve your problems. Also, are you happy with your long distance carrier? Have you accepted anybody as your Lord and Savior? Because this pen could work for any one of those things.
Gone Pen Gone
And then something strange happened. I was at my paper route–where I had already spread the gospel of this pen–when I noticed my pen was gone. Someone had stolen it. Just like the commercial. (Only I hadn’t been so smart as to set up a trap! Damn my trusting ways!) Of course the normal thing would be to just pull out the other pen that came in the pack and forget about the other one. I mean, it had only cost me a dollar and some change. Easily replaceable.
Oh come on. You know I didn’t do that.
Instead I stopped and frisked every single person I worked with. (Note: Stopping minorities on the street to search them randomly for no reason is bad. Stopping your coworkers to search for a pen that didn’t even cost you $2 is very necessary.) They thought I was joking but soon realized that I am crazy serious about my pens. (Or just crazy. Either one.) I frisked four people without incident. When I got to the fifth, I found my pen.
When I asked her what the hell she was doing with my pen, she just shrugged and said “You think you can go around with a pen that great and not tempt people.”
She was right. I keep my pen talk to myself now.
What about you guys? Do you have a special brand of pens or paper or whatever that you just have to have? Tell me about it in the comments section below: